In almost every workplace, productivity and engagement are tied less to processes or systems than to something more difficult to measure: the relationship between managers and their team members.

Think about a time when a casual comment in a meeting left you feeling dismissed. Or when a disagreement with a manager resurfaced every frustration you’ve ever had with them. Suddenly, it’s not just about that one issue; it’s about trust, respect, and whether you feel valued at work. That “ickiness” lingers, even if everyone returns to business as usual.

For HR professionals, this reality is familiar. Employees bring emotionally charged issues to your office, and you’re expected to help managers navigate the fallout. The question is: How can HR convince managers to repair relationships with members of their team and address negative emotions without assuming the role of therapist?

The answer lies in equipping managers with tools and education to teach them to learn how to own their mistakes, listen with empathy, and repair trust. These aren’t just “soft skills.” They’re leadership essentials that directly impact productivity, retention, and engagement.

In Work Better Together: How to Cultivate Strong Relationships to Maximize Well-Being and Boost Bottom Lines, two experts from Deloitte, Jen Fisher and Anh Phillips, explore the value of focusing on relationships as the solution for innovation.

In the book, Fisher explains a time when she was a manager and lost her top performer. She says, “I wrongfully assumed that I could expect things from her without asking, checking in, and making time for personal interactions. I just assumed she’d always be there. And I paid a very big price for it.”

Relationships matter most during conflict. Conflicts are inevitable in the workplace. Deadlines get missed, priorities clash, and high-stake decisions create stress. But when emotions flare, whether it’s frustration, mistrust, or anger, the damage isn’t caused by the conflict itself. It’s caused by what happens afterward.

When managers ignore conflict or sweep it under the rug, employees often feel devalued or silenced. This leads to disengagement, resentment, and lower performance. Left unchecked, those feelings can spread across teams, eroding culture and collaboration.

On the other hand, when managers acknowledge and repair emotional rifts, employees are more likely to re-engage. They feel seen, heard, and respected. They trust that conflict doesn’t automatically threaten their jobs or their livelihoods. And that sense of [psychological safety] becomes the foundation for innovation, collaboration, and stronger performance.

Fisher and Phillips write, “These are the so-called soft skills—the right-brain, subjective, most ‘human’ skills—and they are the skills of the future. Other critical soft skills in greater demand include empathy and emotional intelligence, critical thinking, embracement of change, interpersonal communication skills, and authenticity.”

Relationships should be a priority for managers, especially within their teams. Employees need to be able to trust their managers and believe their leaders genuinely value and care for them. For HR, the opportunity is clear: by educating managers about the value of maintaining good relationships with team members, you not only prevent small issues from festering, but you also create conditions for higher engagement and productivity to grow.

So, how can you influence managers to adopt these practices? Here are three core strategies HR professionals can use to shift manager mindsets and behaviors.

1. Model and teach Accountability

Nothing defuses tension faster than a leader who can say: “I got this wrong. Let’s fix it.”

Accountability is often misunderstood. Many managers fear that admitting mistakes will undermine their authority. In reality, the opposite is true: taking accountability builds trust and credibility. It signals confidence, humility, and a commitment to the team’s success over personal ego.

When leaders model accountability, employees relax. They know their manager is capable of owning their errors, which makes it safer for them to take risks, admit their own mistakes, and focus on solutions rather than blame.

Christie Smith, a partner at Heidrick & Struggles, an executive search firm, stated in a 2021 Forbes article, “The first step to building a foundation for accountability is by developing a strong relationship with your team.”

What HR can do:

• Incorporate accountability into leadership training. Use in which accountability improved outcomes.
• Coach managers on language that models responsibility without over-apologizing, e.g., “I realize I didn’t communicate expectations clearly. Here’s how I’ll fix it moving forward.”
• Reinforce accountability in performance evaluations. Don’t just focus solely on results; include how managers handle missteps.

By normalizing accountability as a leadership strength, HR can help managers understand that admitting mistakes isn’t weakness; it’s maturity.

2. Coach Managers to Listen—Really Listen

A professor at Stanford Graduate School of Business, Debra Schifrin says in a recent article in Harvard Business Review that leaders who listen well create company cultures where people feel heard, valued, and engaged. Listening seems simple, but in practice, it’s one of the hardest skills for managers to master, explains Schifrin. It requires setting aside defensiveness, sitting with discomfort, and truly hearing what employees are saying and seeking to understand where they are coming from.

When employees feel ignored or dismissed, negative emotions escalate. But when managers listen for both the relationship and the content, employees calm down. They feel valued, even if the outcome doesn’t change. As the CEO of HRinsidr, a previous HR executive, put it: “Half the battle in management is simply listening.”

What HR can do:

• Train managers on Schifrin’s four recommended listening skills for leaders to master:

• 1. Listen until the end.
  2. Listen to summarize, not to solve.
  3. Listen for both the relationship and the content.
  4. Listen for values.

• Encourage managers to avoid rushing to solutions. Sometimes the most powerful thing a manager can say is: “I hear that you felt left out of the decision, and I can understand why that upset you.”
• Model listening in HR interactions. When managers see you approach difficult conversations with patience and empathy, they’re more likely to replicate it.

Listening doesn’t mean managers always agree with employees. It means employees walk away knowing their perspective mattered. And that alone can diffuse tension and rebuild trust.

3. Encourage Managers to Develop, Not Control

Managers often default to control when tensions rise. They tighten communication, limit input, and make decisions behind closed doors. Unfortunately, this approach almost always backfires. It deepens distrust and leaves employees feeling sidelined.

Effective managers focus on development. They involve employees in decision-making, invite their input, and help them grow through challenges. Even though managers can’t adopt every idea, the act of including employees fosters ownership, motivation, and improves the relationship.

What HR can do:

• Promote collaborative leadership practices, such as team strategy sessions or joint problem-solving meetings.
• Provide managers with frameworks for inclusive decision-making, showing them how to gather input without losing authority.
• Highlight success stories where employee involvement boosted engagement and outcomes.

When employees feel like active participants in their work rather than passive recipients of directives, trust flourishes. And with trust comes stronger productivity.

We all know HR cannot control company culture. You can’t force managers to behave differently, and you can’t mandate emotional maturity. But you can influence, and that influence is powerful.

Here’s how HR can maximize their influence:

• Raise awareness. Help managers understand the impact of unaddressed conflict on engagement and performance. Use data from employee surveys to make your case.
• Provide tools. Offer conversation guides, training modules, and coaching sessions that give managers practical ways to address emotions when solving conflict at work.
• Build accountability into systems. Recognize and reward managers who navigate conflict well and provide developmental feedback to those who don’t.

By positioning HR as a partner in building emotionally intelligent leadership, you create ripple effects that strengthen the entire organization.

We all know HR cannot control company culture. You can’t force managers to behave differently, and you can’t mandate emotional maturity. But you can influence, and that influence is powerful.

Here’s how HR can maximize their influence:

• Raise awareness. Help managers understand the impact of unaddressed conflict on engagement and performance. Use data from employee surveys to make your case.
• Provide tools. Offer conversation guides, training modules, and coaching sessions that give managers practical ways to address emotions when solving conflict at work.
• Build accountability into systems. Recognize and reward managers who navigate conflict well and provide developmental feedback to those who don’t.

By positioning HR as a partner in building emotionally intelligent leadership, you create ripple effects that strengthen the entire organization.

Conflict will always be a part of work. What matters is how it’s handled. The good news is that repairing relationships is often easier than managers think. It doesn’t require therapy or endless conversations. It requires honesty, accountability, and a willingness to address upsetting events instead of ignoring them.

For HR professionals, the opportunity is to equip managers with the education and tools to make those small but powerful repairs. When you do, you don’t just resolve conflict. You strengthen culture, boost engagement, and ultimately impact the bottom line.

Takeaway for HR: Influence matters. You may ultimately not be able to control how managers behave, but you can shape the landscape in which they lead. By helping them build strong relationships, you give them and your organization a path to stronger relationships, higher engagement, and better results.

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