Dear Ellie, How Do I Find My Voice Under Pressure?

Dear Ellie,

I’m asking this with a lot of humility.

Over the past several years, I’ve noticed that I struggle more and more with speaking up at work. It feels like my thoughts are clear in my head, but when it’s time to articulate them, especially in meetings or higher-pressure settings, I lose words, second-guess myself, or can’t communicate as effectively as I used to.

This seemed to start during a major life transition, and I initially assumed it was temporary – stress, exhaustion, adjustment. But instead of improving over time, it feels like the gap between what I’m thinking and what I’m able to express is widening.

I do experience anxiety, and I’m working on managing it. At the same time, I’m beginning to wonder whether sustained stress in my role is affecting my cognitive clarity and confidence more than I realized.

I care deeply about my career and want to show up fully. I just don’t feel like myself in professional settings anymore.

Are there resources – books, podcasts, courses, coaching approaches – that can help with professional confidence, communication under pressure, or social anxiety in the workplace? I’m open to anything that might help me strengthen this skill and feel more grounded when I speak.

Thank you for creating a space where questions like this feel safe to ask.

Sincerely,

Trying to Find My Voice

First, take a deep breath. Drop your shoulders. I want you to know how profoundly normal what you are experiencing is. The fact that you asked this question with such clarity and self awareness proves that your intelligence and your voice are entirely intact. They are just temporarily blocked.

I have less advice for you in this writing than I do questions, and I hope that these questions help you get in touch with whatever puzzle piece you need to find the resolution you seek. Do not worry, I do have some advice at the end. I would not leave you hanging like that.

Grab a journal or your laptop if you like to write as you process, or just sit in a nice, cozy place free of workplace distractions as you think through these questions and do your own self audit.

The Transition: Has that major life transition impacted how you show up in your life outside of work? If so, where and how? Has your baseline capacity changed? Are you expecting yourself to operate at 100 percent when your battery is actually starting at 40 percent every day?

The Environment: Has the dynamic at work shifted? Is there a new manager, a change in team culture, or a subtle lack of psychological safety that was not there before?

The Support System: What specific stress are you carrying in your role right now? Are you able to give any of that to another team member or hire additional staff to help? Are you feeling supported by your leadership?

It sounds to me like what you are experiencing is not a loss of skill. It is a physiological response. When you go through a major life transition or carry prolonged anxiety, your nervous system can get stuck in a mild state of fight or flight. In that state, the brain prioritizes survival over everything else. It literally diverts blood flow away from the prefrontal cortex, the part of your brain responsible for complex thought, vocabulary, and executive function, and sends it to your amygdala.

Your brain thinks the high pressure meeting is a bear chasing you in the woods. You do not need a robust vocabulary to run from a bear. You just need to run. That blank feeling where you lose your words is your prefrontal cortex temporarily going offline. You need to teach your nervous system that it is safe to speak.

Rebuilding the Bridge

Before we get to the reading list, we need to build some tactical scaffolding at work to take the pressure off your speaking.

The Pre Wire Strategy: Anxiety spikes when we demand spontaneous brilliance from ourselves. Stop improvising. Before a meeting, write down two bullet points you want to make. When the meeting starts, speak up in the first five minutes, even if it is just to agree with someone. If you wait until the end of the meeting, the anxiety builds like a pressure cooker.

The Buy Time Scripts: When someone asks you a question under pressure and your mind goes blank, do not panic. Have three scripts memorized to buy your brain five seconds to catch up:

• “That is a great question. Let me pause and organize my thoughts for a second.” This projects confidence.
• “I have a few thoughts on this, but I want to look at the data before I give you a final answer. Let me follow up this afternoon.”
• “I am thinking out loud here, but my initial reaction is…” This lowers the stakes of what you are about to say.

Your Resource Library

You asked for tools, and there are some excellent ones out there designed exactly for this.

The Podcast: Think Fast, Talk Smart by Matt Abrahams from Stanford Graduate School of Business. This entire podcast is dedicated to managing anxiety and communicating effectively in spontaneous, high pressure moments.

The Book for the Inner Critic: Chatter: The Voice in Our Head, Why It Matters, and How to Harness It by Ethan Kross. This will help you manage the second guessing that happens right before you open your mouth.

The Book for the Physiology: Presence: Bringing Your Boldest Self to Your Biggest Challenges by Amy Cuddy. This focuses on how to ground your body and mind before high stakes professional moments.

The Practice: Look into a local Toastmasters chapter. It sounds terrifying, but it is actually the safest, lowest stakes environment imaginable to practice speaking. It acts as exposure therapy for professional anxiety.

The Ellie Approach: There are amazing resources above that will give you knowledge and activities to practice. But I want to add one extra option that does not come from a book. Get out and play. Play releases endorphins, boosts cognitive function, fosters creativity, and helps our nervous system feel safe.

And Now, a Word from HR… to HR

You went through a major life transition, and you are carrying the weight of the world while trying to look perfectly polished on a Zoom call. Adjust the world around you to fit your current state. If you need more time to process ahead of a meeting, ask for an agenda or a PowerPoint before the call. If you need to get something out that feels too difficult to vocalize, send an email and explain that your brain needs text over voice at the moment. Empower yourself to ask for the accommodations you need while you navigate this.

Stay resilient,

Ellie

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Elizabeth “Ellie” Tancreti is a seasoned HR consultant (and former Senior Recruiter, Onboarding/People and Culture Specialist) who’s faced the same challenges—and helps professionals like you get unstuck.

Bring your questions—on burnout, alignment, career pivots, leadership challenges, building culture, or any thorny questions keeping you up at night. Ask your question and get Ellie’s advice.

The information contained in this site is provided for informational purposes only, and should not be construed as legal advice on any subject.