Dear Ellie, How Do I Handle an Unpredictable Absence Pattern?

Dear Ellie,

I’m navigating a situation with a salaried employee whose performance, when present, is strong. However, there has been a consistent pattern of frequent, unplanned absences – often adjacent to weekends – and occasional extended time off requests framed as “personal reasons.”

The absences are usually covered by accrued PTO, sometimes retroactively, but the unpredictability is beginning to impact workflow and team morale.

There are also concerns that a potential underlying health or mental health issue, like alcoholism, may be contributing to the pattern. I want to be thoughtful and supportive, but I also need to manage attendance consistently and protect the business.

We are a smaller company and we don’t have a formal EAP program. I’m aware that certain medical conditions, including substance-related disorders, may be protected under federal or state law. At the same time, I understand that performance and conduct standards still apply.

Should HR proactively initiate a protected leave discussion based solely on the attendance pattern? Or is it more appropriate to address the attendance issue first and allow the employee to disclose if there is a medical need?

I’m trying to balance compassion with accountability and avoid missteps. What is the right approach here?

Sincerely,

Balancing Support and Standards

You are walking one of the trickiest tightropes in HR: managing the space between what you suspect and what you know, and then adding in some juggling of human needs vs. business needs. I’m applauding you from the audience — this is not an easy task!

Empathy is a business skill — and it’s one of the strongest drivers of performance, engagement, and retention. I want to acknowledge your empathy here and your ability to hesitate. As someone with my own chronic health issues, I also want to say thank you for being knowledgeable enough to know that something might be happening with this person that isn’t necessarily their fault, and having an instinct to protect them, while still looking out for the business.

You already know this, but if you lead with your suspicions, you are going to step right into a legal trap. To answer your question directly: You must address the attendance issue first. You cannot proactively initiate a protected leave discussion based on a suspicion of a medical issue. Under the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA), alcoholism is recognized as a disability. However, the ADA states that employers can hold employees with alcoholism to the same performance and conduct standards as everyone else.

Here is the legal danger zone: The ADA protects employees not just when they have a disability, but when their employer regards them as having a disability. If you go to this employee and say, “We’ve noticed you take a lot of Mondays off. Do you need medical leave for a substance issue?” you have just legally “regarded” them as disabled. If you later have to fire them for attendance, they can sue you for discrimination based on that perceived disability.

As HR leaders, we represent the employer, not their doctor. We must manage the behavior, not the diagnosis. So let’s discuss the behavior.

Prepare for this conversation by reviewing any documentation on absences, how they are requesting time off, and if there are any policies in place that they may not be following (like requesting time off a week in advance). Bring any relevant next-step resources with you — a write-up form for the employee to sign to document the conversation, or ADA and leave literature, should the conversation result in needing time away.

1. Prepare: Review any documentation on absences, the employee’s process of requesting time off, and whether there are any internal policies in place that they may not be following (i.e., requesting time off a week in advance). Bring any relevant next-step resources with you, such as a write-up form for the employee to sign or leave-of-absence literature.

2. Discuss the Impact: Sit down with the employee and focus entirely on the objective facts: the schedule, the unpredictability, and the business impact. Leave your suspicions at the door.

The Script:

 

“John, I want to talk about your attendance over the last quarter. You do fantastic work when you are here. However, you’ve had six unplanned absences on Mondays or Fridays. While you have the PTO to cover it, the unpredictability of these absences is impacting the team’s workflow and causing missed deadlines. Going forward, we need reliable attendance.”

3. Open the Door: Once you have established the business expectation, you crack the door open for them to disclose if they choose to.

The Script:

 

“I want to make sure you have what you need to be successful here. Is there anything getting in the way of your attendance that we should be aware of, or anything we can do to support you?”

Why it works: You haven’t asked a medical question. You’ve simply asked if they need support. The ball is in their court.

4. Path A – No Disclosure: If they say, “No, just bad luck/car trouble/oversleeping,” you take them at their word. You reiterate the attendance expectation, document the conversation, and hold them accountable to standard disciplinary procedures if the pattern continues.

5. Path B – Disclosure: If they say, “I am struggling with alcohol” or “I have a medical condition,” your response must be immediate, nonjudgmental support.

The Script:

 

“Thank you for trusting me with that. We want to support you.”

Even without an EAP, you immediately pivot to the interactive process. Provide them with the paperwork for ADA accommodations or protected medical leave to seek treatment. (Note: The ADA does not require you to tolerate someone coming to work under the influence, but it may require granting leave for rehab or treatment.) Because you lack an EAP, have a list of local free community resources or national hotlines (like SAMHSA) ready to hand them.

And Now, a Word from HR… to HR

Empathy fatigue is real, and it is heavy. It is agonizing to watch a talented person seemingly self-sabotage, especially when you think you know why.

But remember this: Accountability is a form of compassion. Sometimes, an employer holding a firm line on attendance is the reality check a person needs to finally seek help or to get the protections in place they need to take time away to address a medical concern. You cannot throw a life preserver to someone who won’t admit they are drowning. Protect the business, protect the team’s morale, and keep the door open for when they are ready to walk through it.

Stay resilient,

Ellie

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Elizabeth “Ellie” Tancreti is a seasoned HR consultant (and former Senior Recruiter, Onboarding/People and Culture Specialist) who’s faced the same challenges—and helps professionals like you get unstuck.

Bring your questions—on burnout, alignment, career pivots, leadership challenges, building culture, or any thorny questions keeping you up at night. Ask your question and get Ellie’s advice.

The information contained in this site is provided for informational purposes only, and should not be construed as legal advice on any subject.