Dear Ellie, How Do We Welcome Employees Back With Sensitivity After the Holidays?

Dear Ellie,

I’m terrified of the first week back. Our company culture is very social, and the default greeting is always ‘How was your holiday?!’ I know we have several employees who went through divorces, losses, or just spent the holidays entirely alone this year. That question feels like a gut punch to them. How do I advise my managers to welcome people back warmly without forcing them to perform happiness about a break that might have been miserable?

Sincerely,

Empathetic HR

You have identified the “Toxic Positivity Trap” of January. Even though I’m a sucker for the “new beginnings” positivity spin in my personal life, a new calendar year just doesn’t hold magic for a lot of people, especially those who have been barely surviving through the holiday season.

In a 2023 survey by the American Heart Association, 63% of adults said end-of-year holidays are more stressful than filing taxes. An even larger percentage admitted to neglecting their own wellness in order to create “special moments” for others. Even more alarming, 64% of those living with a mental health diagnosis reported their symptoms worsening during the holidays. The causes? Tense or unhealthy family relationships, budget concerns, the stigma of perfection, and the pressure to “perform” holiday cheer.

You are right to protect your people from this social minefield. We need to shift the conversation from the past (which may be painful) to the present (which we share).

We also need to give managers “exit ramps” from the standard script so they can welcome people back without interrogating them in front of peers. And we need to upskill them. Managers are not therapists, nor should they try to be. But they are first responders. They are the eyes and ears on the ground. We need to equip them to spot the difference between post-holiday blues and crisis, and give them language that doesn’t make things worse.

So let’s teach them the art of the low-stakes greeting and the safety net protocol.

Part 1: The Low-Stakes Greeting

The “Welcome Back” Script

Advise managers to swap the specific question for a general statement of presence.

• Instead of: “How was your break? Did you do anything fun?”
• Try: “It’s so good to see you. I missed having the team together. Welcome back.”
• Why it works: It affirms their value to the team right now, regardless of what happened last week.

The “Specific and Small” Question

If they must ask a question, make it small and unrelated to the holidays.

• Try: “Did you get a chance to catch up on any sleep?” or “Did you watch anything good on Netflix?”
• Why it works: It’s easier to say “No, I didn’t sleep much” or “I binged the rest of Stranger Things” than it is to explain a divorce. It gives people a safer, shallow topic to bond over.

The “Lead with Vulnerability” Move

Encourage leaders to be honest if their break wasn’t a Hallmark movie.

• The move: When a manager says, “My break was chaotic, exhausting, or quiet,” it gives permission for honesty and breaks the “perfect holiday” facade.

Managers often miss the signs because they are looking for tears. Real distress is usually quieter.

What to Look For:

Tell managers to watch for deviations from a person’s baseline.

• Appearance shift: Did someone who is usually sharp-dressed come in looking disheveled or wearing the same clothes twice?
• Engagement shift: Is someone who normally speaks up suddenly silent, or keeping their camera off all the time?
• Mood shift: Irritability is often a more common sign of depression at work than sadness. Watch for the short fuse.

How to “Stealth Drop” Resources:

Do not slide an EAP pamphlet across the desk to one person like a subpoena. That targets them. Instead, use the “new year housekeeping” cover.

• The script: “Hey team, welcome back. As we kick off the year, I’m re-sending the link to our benefits portal. I want to remind everyone that we have free counseling sessions, financial planning, and legal advice included in our EAP. The holidays can be draining, so please use the benefits we pay for.”
• Why it works: It frames support as a team-wide benefit and removes stigma.

The “Red Alert” Protocol:

This is the most critical instruction. If a manager suspects an employee is under the influence or in crisis, they must stop and pause.

• The practice: If a manager smells alcohol or hears hopeless language (“It doesn’t matter anymore,” “I won’t be here next week”), they must contact HR immediately before taking any action.
• The script for the manager: “I’m hearing and seeing some things that really concern me because I care about you. I’m not a trained counselor, but I want to make sure you have the right support. I’m going to loop in [HR name], who can help connect you to the right resources.”

You cannot save every conversation. People will still ask, “How was your holiday?” and we have to trust adults to navigate some social norms on their own. Sometimes it is simply the routine of work that provides a safe harbor from the chaos of home.

What you can do is provide resources and best practices that positively shape team culture and day-to-day interactions. Create a post-holiday cheat sheet for managers, share benefit resources widely, and model an alternative to toxic positivity. Do those things, and you’ve already started the year by strengthening psychological safety in the workplace.

Stay Resilient,

Ellie

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Elizabeth “Ellie” Tancreti is a seasoned HR consultant (and former Senior Recruiter, Onboarding/People and Culture Specialist) who’s faced the same challenges—and helps professionals like you get unstuck.

Bring your questions—on burnout, alignment, career pivots, leadership challenges, building culture, or any thorny questions keeping you up at night. Ask your question and get Ellie’s advice.

The information contained in this site is provided for informational purposes only, and should not be construed as legal advice on any subject.